What is my 'why'?

I went to a boardplan last night and I can't stop thinking about what MS talked about, the question he said we must all know to keep going.

What is my why?

Why do I do what I do? What is my 'WHY'?I haven't been able to answer that for myself. I don't have a family, at least not I enjoy being around. I think the biggest reason for my lack of follow through is I don't have the family I want for myself. A husband and children. It almost feels as if I'll never have a family. If I want to be successful, I'll have to give up that possibility. I mean how many successful black women have a husband and children?

I need to get past the belief that I will never marry. If that is my future then I have to decide on two outcomes for my life: single and financially free or single and living from paycheck to paycheck.

I think I will chose single and financially free.

I need to get over myself. Get over my fears. Get over the things that demotivate me.

What are my goals? Are they realistic? Are they obtainable? What am I doing on a daily basis to achieve them?

Need to work on my goals tonight. I wish I knew if the Lancaster library was open today.

What is my why?

I want to help people who want to help themselves. That means asking and moving on when they say NO. I can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

What is my why?

One thing I can do to stay motivated is to listen to my CDs instead of talking to my dream stealing co-workers. I keep wondering if I should take the Jesus approach to unbelievers.

"Get behind me, Satan! You are a hinderance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man." Matthew 16:23 (ESV)

Funny Picture

I don't have enough time to post a real post so I'm giving you a funny picture for you to enjoy. Enjoy.

Day 6

The hardest thing about commitments is honoring them. I know I'm like most people who have a hard time sticking with my commitments. Thinking of doing something is always going to be easier than following through with it to the end.

I'm so tired I don't even know what I'm saying. I want to go to sleep but the 366 project has to get done tonight. One post a day isn't hard. I would be done by now if I had just finished earlier.

I'm done. Good night. Don't like the bed bugs bite. I like typing in Panera Bread better than at home. Bye.

Obtaining Instruction

I was able to talk to my mom about some of the things going on with my cousin and her kids. I'm not sure if my mom is thinking clearly but she's thinking better than she was yesterday.

How much should someone do to help another person? Do you hold the person's hand through the entire journey or do you let that person stumble along the way? What if the person has no desire for your help or want your help but don't want to change?

My mom wants to help two of my cousin's children so bad, I don't think she even considered they may not want the help. Or they may want the help but don't want to change, not understanding the assistance will do nothing for them if they don't change.

To add to the complication is not being there to mentor them and monitor their progress. There won't be anyone to hold them accountable. Everyone needs a mentor in some area of their lives.

These are things I will need to pray about. I know what needs to be done, not sure if it can be accomplished.

Death Grip

It seems everyone has gotten desperate and is doing anything they can to get from under their upside down mortgages. I'm doing everything I can to keep from buying a house.

I don't believe in borrowing money, not even for the purchase of a first home despite the conventional wisdom that borrowing money to purchase a home is perfectly acceptable. Conventional wisdom is a lie. If borrowing money is perfectly acceptable, then why are so many people in financial trouble? Why is this country in financial trouble?

There is a reason the banks are coming out on top is because loaning money to people who can't afford to pay the money back has become profitable, especially since the banks were bailed out by our government. The government for the people by the people. Us! We bailed them out. We also borrowed the money.

There is a price to pay for our debts. The stress, the uncertainty, the weight of our debts pressing down on our chests, it's all death's grip slowing suffocating us, and people still believe borrowing money to buy the things we want is perfectly acceptable. A lie. And we believe the lie.

Not Sure about 2012

I'm not sure about 2012. It was supposed to be a new year with plenty to look forward to but it's already taken a turn in the opposite direction.

My mom got the news that my cousin was moved to a hospice. My cousin had a stroke three years ago and has been bed ridden ever since. Last week, her organs started to fail and the doctors can't do anything for her.

I can't imagine living like my cousin has lived for the past three years. I'm so independent and having to rely on others for my basic needs because I can't do anything for myself would drive me mad.

Now, all I can do is sit and wait. My mom is beside herself. She is much closer to our family in Detroit than I am.

On a brighter note, I am looking forward to this year despite the dismal start. I've considered dating again. I signed up for match.com but I haven't paid for a subscription. I'm not sure I'm that committed to dating. I hate paying for things I don't want or like.

I haven't nailed down my resolutions for this year. I need to commit them to paper and share them so I'll have someone to hold me accountable.

So I've nailed down the things I need to work on for at least the next two days. I need to go through my Bible to get the verses explaining the qualities I want in a husband and I need to work on my goals for my business. I've really let myself down with my business and need to start generating some serious cash. I'm tired of the commute and surrounding myself with people who have no desire for a better life.

My New Year's Day Hike

I finished editing the video I shot while on my hike but I haven't been able to upload it to Facebook.

I'm liking my iPhone 4s more and more and using my iPad less and less. If only I could find a way to upload to my self-hosted blog from my phone and my mobile blogging experience will be complete. So far, I've successfully posted to my blogger blog using an app called Blogger Plus and it seems to work just fine but I'll still have to login to fix the little things I'm not able to or can't figure out how to do.

Happy New Year

I went hiking today at Saddle Back Butte. I shot some video and took pictures. I'll post those tomorrow as I have a nasty headache. I probably should not have hiked because I'm highly allergic to desert plants.

Steve Job's Biography

I just finished reading Steve Jobs's biography. It was even better than I thought it was going to be. He is definitely someone I wish I had met but it will never happen because he's gone.

I've been thinking a lot about death and legacy. What will I leave behind when I'm gone? What will people have to say about me? Will I accomplish everything I hope to? I'm not trying to change the world, but I do want to change the course of my family's history and help others do the same along the way. However, I find myself unable to get out of my comfort zone to do what I need to do.

I remember reading the following quote from his Stanford Commencement speech the day after his death:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” [Stanford commencement speech, June 2005]

I still think about this quote every day wondering when I'm going to muster the courage to just say screw it and get it done already. I'm surrounded by people who are too scared to step outside of their comfort zones to do something, anything to make a difference in their lives and the lives of their families. How many generations of their descendants will remember who they were?

I can only know small tidbits of information about my maternal grandmother's father. I loved my maternal grandmother, but there isn't much of anything to really remember her by. She married a man who didn't want a family and with six children, lived in poverty because my grandfather choose to spend his paycheck chasing women.

I don't want to pass down a legacy of poverty and poor choices. Which leaves me to ask how much of her history will I choose to share with my children, if I have children. I want do much better in life because I don't want to be forgotten, especially by my descendants.

Steve Jobs won't have to worry about that. The whole world will remember him. His children's children's children will know who he was or at lease his accomplishments. Those are some big shoes to fill.

I'm not trying to change the world but I want to make a difference, even if it is on a small scale.

Momentum

Momentum Principle:

A body at rest tends to remain at rest, and a body in motion tends to remain in motion.

I've been having some really, really lazy weekends these past couple of weeks. For example, I spent all day in bed watching movies on Netflix. It felt great but now I feel guilty.

I did get some work done. I sent out invitations to the Christmas Extravaganza. Hopefully everyone I invite will be able to make it. I could use some new clients. I need to start making some money and recruit some business builders.

I have to make phone calls tomorrow to get the emails of people I don't have emails for. I hate calling people but I have to get used to it if I'm going to get more clients and recruit business builders.

Now, I need to get my schedule booked and keep busy. I don't ever want to be this stagnant again. It's depressing.

I bought this guy I used to be friends with MeMe the blowup doll for this belated 31st birthday, Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year present. I expect 1 of 3 reactions: silence, anger, or humor. I'm hoping for the latter. I miss his friendship. Plus, he was nice to look at.

I'm hoping I have something better to blog about in the future. I'm bored just typing this. Maybe I should start dating again just to have something to blog about.