I'm selfish or so I was told by a co-worker. His exact words were "You
don't want to have kids because you're selfish."
Let me explain the conversation at work. I mentioned that I don't
date men with children because at this point in my life, I'm not sure
I want kids. So why bother myself with somebody else's. Makes sense
right?
Well, I'm still selfish according to this man. Working Mom isn't an
appealing title. It sounds funny when I hear women at work say, "I
can't wait for daycare to potty train Junior. I'm sick of changing
diapers." However, I've seen the life of a woman relying on welfare
to help take care of her kids. That's an even more unbelievably
unattractive alternative for having a kid at this point in my life.
But remember I'm selfish because I don't want to do things the hard
way.
On another note, reading the blogs of other black females has got me
thinking about the Black Diaspora. I've noticed they group all Blacks
in the same group without acknowledging cultural differences. There
are cultural differences between Black Americans and an Africans.
There are cultural differences amongst Africans themselves depending
on what country they're in or the ethnic group they belong to. The
same goes for Black Americans. So why is there this constant need to
group us all in one category? Different people with different values
will have different goals and skin color alone isn't enough to unify.
This is where I think my selfishness really shows. I think I'm better
off focusing on bettering myself than trying to change the world.
I hate bootleg movies. They usually aren't worth the money. I'm one
of those people who not only want to see a good movie but have a good
viewing experience. Bootleg movies don't provide both. For example,
the first time I saw Pirates of the Caribbean, I thought it was
terrible because the picture and sound was greatly distorted. It
wasn't until I viewed a legit copy of the movie that I fully
appreciated it.
Heroes has become my second most favorite show with Buffy the Vampire
Slayer being the first. I so wish I had my Buffy DVDs here. I'd be
having myself a kick-ass time!
I signed up for a video blog at blip.tv. I will use it eventually. I
think I like it better than YouTube. Blip.tv has an interface that's
easier to understand.
I lost 8 pounds! I'm around 113 pounds now! And I don't exercise
much. I'm on the Supreme diet. Basically, the food in the chow hall
is so terrible, I don't eat it. It doen't help that I've had trouble
digesting just about everything I put in my mouth and I had two bouts
of diarrhea which lasted for about three weeks.
I can't stop biting my nails. I bite them to the point they bleed. I
hope I can break this when I get home.
I'm not looking forward to going home. There's nothing there for me.
I want to leave Afghanistan but I don't want to go back to Lancaster.
I still want to cut my hair.
--
Shavonne
