Happy Birthday to Me!

For the first time in my life, I realize I hate having a birthday on Christmas Eve. I usually don’t do anything but stay home and watch Christmas movies but this year I decided to do something different.

I had a birthday date with a guy I met a couple of days ago. We went to Starbucks for coffee and got to know each other. He paid, which was nice. He told me on the phone the night before that I should always do something for my birthday.

So after my birthday date, I decided that I should do something for my birthday. I went to see Meet The Fockers with my mom. I wanted to go to IHOP afterwards but they were closed. CLOSED! I really wanted some pancakes. We went to Denny’s instead.

Oh, my point to this…what’s the point in trying to do something on Christmas Eve when everything is either closed or closes early.

Merry Christmas everyone!

IN DESPARATE NEED OF HELP: IS THERE A CURE?

I’ve noticed in the last month I’ve been going through some changes; mentally and physically.

I believe it started when I was in Korea. Everyday I would go to the transition center to work on resumes and apply for jobs. Just about everyday I went a man would ask me out. I would always reply, “I’m about to get out of the Army. I fly September 17th.”

These men didn’t seem to care that I was leaving Korea or that they had months before they would be able to leave Korea for their next duty station, and in one case, retirement. They would still ask me for my phone number, email address, etc even after I told them flat out that I wasn’t interested in getting to know them.

Then the day my mom picks me up from the airport she says, “Dangee Pumpkin! You’ve got hips now!”

Yes, I’ve gained weight, and apparently it looks really nice, or so I’ve been told.

Now, I’m a person that believes if you pay attention to signs, you will be able to see what’s in the near future. Well the signs are telling me that I’m suffering from Nesting Syndrome, and eventually, despite my resistance to long term commitments, I will indeed be getting married in the next year. *gagging*

1. Men, much older men, keep asking me out. I tell them I’m not interested but they don’t seem to want to get lost. They ask me questions like, “Do you have a man? Do you want to get married someday? How do you feel about children?”
My answers: “No. No. I think they smell.”

2. Hormonal Changes. I’m convinced my body’s been emitting a pheromone that drives men crazy, hence the constant harassment. I’ve also developed child-bearing hips and my breasts are slightly larger. Bye, bye girlish figure! I know what you’re thinking, maybe she’s pregnant. I assure you, that’s not a possibility because when the opportunity to have sex presented itself, I turned into the Shavinator.


3. I love baby-like creatures, like puppies, and I’m starting to think children are sort of cute and they’re starting to have a sweet smell to them.

In all honesty, I’m convinced I’m a part of some kind of twisted experiment of Army. They’ve been pumping me with all kinds of drugs the last four years knowing that I would eventually get out someday. Now that I no longer have access to these drugs, I’m my body’s going through all these changes and I have no way to stop it. This is why I need your help. If you have a cure for Nesting Syndrome, or know of a way to control it, please let me know. My entire existence as a very youthful 322 month old is at stake.

WORK, WORK, WORK, THAT’S ALL I EVER DO IS WORK

Well that’s not true. I did go out for crab legs the other day. They were good. I love crustaceans.

I can’t stop thinking about leaving Korea. It’s like it’s a dream. I’ve been here so long I don’t know what to do. I’ll probably go crazy when I get back to the states and end up gaining a whole bunch of weight because I plan on hitting my favorite restaurants.

MEANWHILE

The camp I live on is closing sometime next year I believe. The Virgin? told me she doesn’t know what she’s going to do with Belle and asked me if I wanted to take her home with me. I would if I knew what my situation will be like. I still haven’t found a job, and for the first month out of the Army I'll be staying with my mom. I hope I find a job. I don’t want to be living with my mother for too long. I have money saved up so if I do find a job before November, I’ll be able to get my own place. I can’t wait to have my own place. No more living in shared spaces.

So there you have it. I haven’t been up to much except writing resumes and job searching. It looks like I’ll be living in the D.C. area, though if I had to live on the east coast, I’d love to be in NYC.

I’ve been stressing over who’s going to take over the afternoon radio show after I’m gone. I would like to start training somebody asap so that I won’t be bothered when I start clearing.

I went to a farewell party for the 44th Engineers Sunday night. It was a nice event. I took pictures with my still camera for our website—www.afnkorea.net. I’ve been the person responsible for the maintainance of the website. I would like to start training someone else to take over this responsibility as well.

I went three days last week without doing radio news. It’s the other thing I’m responsible for. I was protesting because this slob I work with had been leaving work around 3 p.m. last week and sometimes earlier. Guess what this lard butt does all day…he cruises the fantasy football website or plays with his gameboy. Meanwhile, I’m editing the website, producing radio news, and doing a fricken radio show from 3-6 p.m. Did I mention I’m the one getting out soon? Gotta love the fricken Army.

I KILLED SPIDERMAN AND I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE IT.

I went to the dayroom tonight to check my email and hopefully compose my next blog masterpiece, but instead I ended up watching Spiderman 2.

Twenty minutes into the film, I got the munchies, so I headed to my room to get a bag of microwaveable popcorn. As I was opening the door to my room, I noticed a spiderweb with quite a specimen of arachnid sitting in the middle. I thought, oh great a fricken spider. I’ll fix that.

Well, the spider slipped my mind in an instant and I proceeded to grab a bag of popcorn, a bottle of water, and napkins and headed out the door but on the way out I noticed the little creature and couldn’t live with the thought that it could somehow end up in my bed feasting on my body. So, I put down the popcorn, water, and napkins, and grabbed my bottle of Raid and sprayed the life out of Spiderman. (Hey, I’m no Mary Jane.)

I didn’t miss too much of the movie. When I was watching what Peter was going through I thought of Buffy and what made her one of my favorite heroines of all time. Her family, well her mom and then her sister, and her friends knew she was the slayer and that was why she was so great at what she did. That’s exactly what Peter needed to do. Tell his family and friends who he really was and then his world would come together.

I wasn’t disappointed by the film. It was great. Greater than the first even. I think I have a new super hero, only this one is male but Buffy will always be number one.

this is a test

this is a test

DREAM A LITTLE DREAM

I dreamed I was in a Korean apartment on the twentieth something floor standing on an enclosed patio right around sunrise. There were hundreds of these tall apartment buildings and I watched as lights in the other apartments flickered on all over the city. It was very beautiful. I could see into hundreds of apartments. They were all nicely decorated, organized and clean.

Then my old roommate, Sam walks out of the bathroom in a towel. And I go into the bathroom and marvel and the “shower” right next to the sink and then I look at the tub. (Showers in some apartments in Korea are just one of the hand held heads over a drain in the floor. No curtains, no glass walls or doors, just a hand held shower head, a sink and a toilet. I thought this was strange because there was a tub. Why didn’t they just put the shower head in the tub?)

THEN I WOKE UP AND EVENTUALLY WENT BACK TO SLEEP AND STARTED DREAMING AGAIN.

This time I dreamed about my friend Fernando. I dreamed that I went to visit him and we must have gone out to dinner or something but I remember riding in his car. We came to a stop light and I looked at Fernando and then we heard this loud music so he and I looked out the driver’s side window. It was a car full of Mexican females, all gang bangers and they weren’t happy to see me in his car. The driver yelled, “Look at this bitch! What are you doin man? Not happy with your own kind? You better watch out.”

Next thing I know, we were walking to his apartment. I remember how scared I was because I kept thinking those girls were going to come driving by any second.

We made it to his apartment and I started cooking bacon. Then I mixed some rice and eggs and started frying the two ingredients in a pan. Then I added the bacon. I opened up Fernando’s refrigerator and there were all kinds of meats marinating in Ziploc bags. He even marinated his hot dogs in barbeque sauce! He used his fruit tray at the bottom of the frig to catch the blood from the meat. The refrigerator was so bloody! I almost threw up.

Fernando was at the stove about to fry up a steak. And I thought, the man knows how to cook. I wonder if I can get some of his steak.

I pulled out my green army laundry bag and started to sort my laundry and then the driver of that car was standing next to the dryer. I started loading my clothes in the washer, and the girl says to me, “what the fuck are you doing here.”

I ignored her and went back to sit down next to Fernando and this Korean girl rubs him on his shoulder and asks him if he wanted something to drink. She and I exchanged some words, and then we introduced ourselves. Her name was Vo, and she was the ugliest Korean girl. Fernando told me she was his girlfriend and I whispered to him, “it’s a good thing that gang banger didn’t get a look at her. She really would’ve flipped.”

Fernando chuckled with a mouth full of steak. Vo disappeared and I started to move my clothes from the washer to the dryer and I started my second load. Fernando tells me to he’s going to reserve a cab for me because he wasn’t sure how late the busses ran and I said, ”Okay.”

WHAT DO THESE DREAMS MEAN?

Beats the heck out of me. On the last day Fernando and I spent together, he told me he was most attracted to blondes.

I think it’s interesting that he didn’t introduce his girlfriend to me. I will bump into GIs and their Korean girlfriends, and the GIs never introduce me to their significant others. I don’t understand why that happens.

CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE BIRDS AND THE BEES?

My sweet little Belle is no longer a puppy anymore. She started her period today.*violent sobs and tears flowing from my eyes* Oh woe! Oh woe! Now someone has to explain the birds and the bees to her. I don’t think I can do it. Is this what it’s like to have a daughter? Oh woe! Poor me! Poor Belle! My sweet little Belle. Now we have to hide her from all the male dogs and their weapons of mass destruction.


She was all fur when she came to us.




Wasn’t she just a little darling?



Look at those dark eyes. Aren’t they just angelic?

A VISIT TO THE DOC

I went to the doctor to have my stitches removed. It was a welcomed brake from the foot brace I’ve been wearing for almost two weeks. My foot looks horrible.




And yeah I know, my leg is hairy. I do shave my legs but since doc told me I’d be wearing a cast, I didn’t want to shave and live through weeks of unbearable itching. The doc didn’t put me in a cast which meant I could have shaved my leg. Danggit. Oh, well.

Dr. Thornburgh was really gentle removing the stitches.




I can’t wait to fully recover. I would like to be able to wear my strappy sandals before summer ends. I absolutely love shoes.

LOOK INTO MY EYES AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE

It's been said that I'm mischievous and I would be nothing but trouble to anyone that got involved with me romantically. This person also said that I'm probably a freak in the bedroom. Ha ha ha!

My english teacher in junior high said that I have really caring eyes and that's why she and my peers picked me to be student peer counselor.

I'm just curious. What do you think? What personality traits do you see when you look into my eyes? What kind of person am I?

PROTESTERS

Koreans stood outside US installations all over Korea today. It seems they aren’t happy about the 3,000 to 4,000 Korean troops that will be heading to Iraq in August. I don’t know why they feel the need to stand outside our camps. It’s not like we can do anything about it. I can understand their frustration however. They wouldn’t be in this situation had the US not invaded Iraq and the beheading of one of their citizens didn’t help either.

Just four more days until the big hand over. Will things get better or is the worst yet to come?

APARTMENT CLUSTERS

I’ve tried to get a good picture of an apartment cluster but it’s really hard because there’s usually something in the way. When I was driving back from one of the storied I had to cover, I looked in the side view mirror and saw this:

This apartment cluster is in Uijongbu, the city my camp is located in. Seoul has thousands of these very tall apartment buildings. I’ve been in one of these buildings before and there quite impressive. Very high tech or at least the apartment I was in.

THIS’LL SHOW THOSE TERRORISTS WHO’S THE BOSS!

This picture was taken a month ago and I forgot it was on my camera. When I downloaded my pics to my laptop, there it was, me firing a .50 caliber machine gun. I have to tell you, you haven’t fired anything until you’ve fired one of these. Though I couldn’t pull the charging handle by myself, I fired EXPERT- better than most of the guys qualifying that day. Are you scared?

The only thing better that this would be if I had fired a tank or an AT-4. I doubt I’ll have the opportunity to since I’m getting out in less than three months.

THINK I'LL EVER GET MARRIED? I DON'T LIKE SHARING MY BED!

Belle slept in my bed again and this time I wasn’t happy to oblige. She kept her feet in my back the whole night and oh, my gosh, how loud she snored! I love her but I’m going to have to get her her own bed. I can’t do this anymore. I need my beauty rest.

MY TRUE PASSION IN LIFE

People probably think men and sex rule my life. Well I’m posting proof that it isn’t men/sex that moves me. The following pictures were taken a month ago at Camp Essayon’s Stalker Club. Me, my roommate, and the Nookie Hound went there to catch a comedy show. We got there a little early and decided to try some of the club's fine food.



The fry didn’t have a chance.



What? Want some, too?



Mmmmm, burger.

WELCOME TO CAMP FALLING WATER, SOUTH KOREA

I had many people that were stationed in Korea at one point ask me about Camp Falling Water. There's not much to it. As you can see by the pictures, it's quite small. The gray building on the right is the building I live in. The building on the left is the other half of the building I work in.

This is the building I live in. I just love these fine Army Barracks. Doesn't it look cozy?

Here's a closer look at my building. Guess which door is mine? That's right, door number two.

A NEW BEGINNING

I had to delete the old blog. Something was wrong with it. It wouldn't let me post a title. This is a test post by the way.