Time to say goodbye to blogger

I've had my own domain for about two months now and it's been functioning properly for the last month. That means I will no longer be posting here. If you want to read up on what I'm doing please go to



shavonne.org

Thanks.

freedomtofascism video Promo

A promo for a movie coming soon to theaters with information concerning the American Internal Revenue Service, the American Government and other little assorted tidbits. Very informative.

AMERICA: FREEDOM TO FASCISM

http://freedomtofascism.com - Official Web site of Aaron Russo's AMERICA: FREEDOM TO FASCISM

Phone Calls From the Edge: "I got a baby. When you gon have one?"

I know I'm black and female, but that doesn't mean I want to have illegitimate children. My mom and her two sisters all had their children out of wedlock. They figured if my grandmother, their mother, could raise six children without the help of a husband (my grandpa was a rolling stone), then they didn't have to get married or have a man in order to raise a child.

I don't want to go into the details of the three (four if you count my grandmother's sister) generations of illegitimate children born on my mom's side of the family. You'll just have to read it here.

Let's go back to Father's Day.

I spoke to my dad on the phone for about an hour. I really enjoy talking to him. He doesn't wine in my ear or ask me when I'm going to give birth the next generation of America's Most Wanted, future penitentiary bounded, etc.

I then spoke to an uncle of mine. That was a relief. He didn't ask me about a baby status. I think I will call him more often. He happens to be the only child of my grandmother to have children after marriage! Of course, his first marriage ended but at least he tried. Wife number 2 is helping him raise his two children.

Then there was my cousin R who's four years younger than myself. He and his chickehead girlfriend had a baby back in October. He just couldn't resist asking me the question "When you gon have a baby?" I felt like explaining how I don't think it's right to have children outside of marriage, but it would have completely went over his head. He's used to seeing it. Heck, his girlfriend didn't make it a requirement that he marry her before she started having his baby.

Since the birth of my cousin's baby, that means I am one of the last of my grandmother's grandchildren without a child. My other two childless cousins are still children. Did I mention my grandmother lived long enough to see her first great, great illegitimate grandchild? Yep.

shavonne.org

Graffiti

There's nothing I hate more than graffiti. To me, it's a sign of moral degradation.

I went to the grocery store around 12 noon to buy my lunch for the week. When I drove through the neighborhood, the walls surrounding our subdivision were graffiti free. When I went to Walmart around 7 p.m. the walls had graffiti.

This is a brand new neighborhood. The houses here are less than a year old and their value ranges from $375,000 to almost $1,000,000. Yet, the neighborhood, has graffiti.

shavonne.org

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Shavonne

The Duggar Family

I was flipping through channels when I came across a documentary called 14 Children and Pregnant again. It was a documentary about the Duggar family. I've heard about this family before and I always had my doubts as to how this family could function.

I was basing this on the fact that, well, my mom seemed to have the hardest time raising just me and also a friend of mine can't seem to get a grip on her two children.

I think the family was very charming and facinating, and I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to grow up in such a home. The children were healthy, well-dressed, well-mannered, and happy. Their home was clean and in order. I know, I had it in my head that the children were loud, uncontrollable, and miserable as well as living in a home that looked like it was hit by a tornado. But this wasn't the case. Amazing. How is that this large family functions so well while most families a third this size seem to fall apart?

The Duggars, of course will give the glory to the Lord. Maybe they have something there.

shavonne.org

Diary of a Tired Black Man

There’s movie coming out that I have no intention of seeing. Diary of Tired Black Man.

I went to the website to watch the clip. I was about 1/20th of the way to getting mad but I didn’t.

I used to be one of those bitter black girls. I say ‘girl’ because I was very a bitter black female teenager. Teenager! Not even a woman.

In junior high and high school, I was an ugly duckling. I was skinny, I had a huge gap in my front teeth, I wore glasses (still wear glasses), I was skinny…and I was black. Those were the things that boys, black boys in particular, found unattractive about me. Black boys who liked black girls liked girls with meat on their bones and I had no meat, and then there was the black boys that just wouldn’t be caught dead with a black girl even if she was cute. So there you have it.

There were of course, a few black boys that found me appealing. But their hormones were surging and they probably would have found (insert the name of the ugliest female you know) attractive. Sex is a great motivator.

I don’t even want to write about college but I’m going to anyway because I know you want to read it.

I worked in the Davidson library as a part-time gig. One day, one of the star basketball players (he was black of course) was walking through the library hand-in-hand with this female. The basketball player was clearly an attractive male, his girl, is a different story.

When the basketball player and his lady left the library, my coworker, a white male, turned to me and said, “I don’t get it. That’s (basketball players name) and he could get any girl he wants. Why would he be with her? She is a total white man’s reject! He is attractive. She is clearly ugly. Does it bother you to see black guys with ugly white girls?”

My response, “It used to but not anymore.”

Then there was this one black guy that always went out of his way to be rude to me. One day when I was working in the library I was talking to a male friend, when Jack@ss comes up to us and interrupts me mid-sentence to talk to my friend. Not only that, but Jack@ss stood right in the middle of me and my friend, AND he turned his back to me. How rude was that? I didn’t even know this guy.

I’m tiring of this subject. I’m almost at 500 words anyway. Go figure. Let me say this, I haven’t dated a black man in two years, and if I had gone with my first instinct two years ago, I would have been five years since I dated a black man. My roommate convinced me that S was a nice guy and he really liked me. So I went out with him and as soon as I felt comfortable dating him, he flirted and exchanged phone numbers with the bar tender right in front of me.

Bitter black woman came back for a while after that.

Black men don’t like bitter black women, and let me tell you, I don’t like bitter black women, especially when I’m the bitter black woman.

Being a bitter black woman is exhausting mentally and physically and I don’t want to be a bitter black woman ever again. I will do anything to avoid being a bitter black woman, including swearing off all black men as potential mates. I just won’t go there.

I’ve had great friendships with black men, but I don’t think I can recover from the really bad dates and relationships I’ve had in the past.

I’ve only seen a clip of a Diary of a Tired Black Man, and like I said, I don’t think I’ll be seeing the movie. The difference between this movie and Diary of a Mad Black Woman is, Mad Black Women went running into the arms of a BLACK Man. That was a true Christian woman right there.


Note: I've changed the setting on this blog so that only members can comment. Since I'm the only member, no one else can comment on this blog. Though I still post here, eventually, I will delete this blog but only until I get shavonne.org exactly the way I want it. If you want to leave a comment, please go to shavonne.org and leave one there. Thanks.

Affirmative Action

I have a cousin (K) who’ll be going off to college next year. She’s been looking at colleges for a while now. K’s had her eyes set on Duke, but with the cost of out-of-state tuition, her mom and dad told her to look locally (California) or do what her brother and sister did and go to a predominately black college like Hampton University.

K’s been to UC Riverside and she said she likes it a lot. She’s also toured some other UC school, I believe it was Irvine, but she didn’t want to go there because there weren’t enough black students. And I thought going to college was about getting your education.

The discussion then turned to Affirmative Action and my alma mater UC Santa Barbara, which is ranked #4 out of the ten UC schools and UCLA. Apparently enrollment of black students at UC Santa Barbara has dropped since my days as an undergraduate and UCLA isn’t doing much better in recruiting black students.

I absolutely hate discussing Affirmative Action. It always brings back the memories of my undergrad years during the time Proposition 209 was on ballot. I couldn’t shake the feeling that my when my white counterparts looked at me, they saw someone that shouldn’t be there-like I hadn’t worked my ass off in a predominately white high school and graduated in the top ten percent of my class. The only reason I was at UCSB was because I was black.

The truth is, even if the reinstate Affirmative Action, blacks will still be 2 percent of the student population in the UC system. The only people that can change that are blacks themselves.

I say this because out of my black female friends from high school and myself, I was the only one that went to college. My friends went the chickenhead route and chose to stay home to become somebody’s baby’s momma. The males became somebody’s baby’s daddy and made many failed attempts to be the next Tupac Shakur. Did I mention that we went to predominately white schools and that my friends came from households where the annual incomes exceeded six figures?

I’m going to be very blunt because I’m losing interest in the subject. Affirmative Action, racial preferences, etc., aren’t going to make up for the fact that even middle class black folks can’t get their shit together and raise their children right-you know, instill an importance of a higher education, hold off on the baby making UNTIL MARRIAGE, set higher standards for themselves, work hard, mind your business, keep your nose clean…must I go on?

I hate dot5hosting

I haven't gone one day without issues with dot5hosting.  I, for some reason, am not able to login to vdeck so I can change some aspects of my blog. Typical. This is what I go through everyday. This won't be too convenient for me if I have to deploy and don't have access to my gmail account.

Anyways.

I found out the company that owns shavonne.net.  Buypremiumdomains.com or some crap like that.  They didn't have the price of shavonne.net displayed on their site.  So, I sent them an email requesting a price quote.  Here is what they say the domain name is worth:

Hi Shavonne,

Thank you for your interest in the domain name, Shavonne.net.

Shavonne.net is currently valued: $1,088.00

As you may already be aware, the demand for and prices of domain names is on the rise. All sales are on a first come, first serve basis.  If you are serious about purchasing this domain, I encourage you to do so today!

Ha!  $1,088.00 for shavonne.net.  Maybe if I was as rich as let's say Jennifer Lopez.  Man, it makes me wonder how much shavonne.org is worth.  It's got to be worth more than I paid for it.  I'm definitely goint to buy up some more domain names just so they will be available just in case I want them in the future.

--
Shavonne

The Clippers: Back to a Losing Streak

I’m going to be honest and admit to rooting for the Clippers. I really really wanted them to win. In fact, if they had won the Western Conference Finals, I would have gone out and bought my very first sports jersey, which is something big for me because I do not wear sports clothing or whatever it’s called.

The most upsetting part of the Clippers’ lost to Phoenix is I hear during the last game the team just seem to give up, like they didn’t even want to be there. Now, I didn’t see the last game, I just learned of it by word of mouth and of course, the sports section of the Antelope Valley Press. Here’s what Bob Baum from Associated Press wrote about the Clippers:

“The Clippers, trying to make the conference finals for he first time in the franchise’s mostly sorry history, fell behind in the final 37 seconds of the first quarter and never could catch up.”

Mostly sorry history? Dang. Why’d he have to put it like that? He might as well have just said in plain speaking and clearing understanding English-THE CLIPPERS SUCK!

P.S. - I personally think the game was rigged and the Clippers were forced to lose. The Clippers can't be taking thunder away from the Lakers.


shavonne.org

So many things to do, so little time

I have so much to blog about and little motivation to actually do it. I'm still waiting to hear if I will have to go back into the Army.  I don't want to but I know it's inevitable.  I called Human Resources Command to see if a decision had been made on my recall but the person I talked to said they were still processing my paperwork and the next board won't meet until June/Julyish. Is that wonderful?  I just love the waiting and stress.

I was going to write about Mother's Day weekend but since it's been a week, I've decided not to.  I didn't do much but spend time with mom and I even went to church on Mother's Day.

I had something interesting to write about but now I can't remember what it was. I'll just have to write about it next time. 

--
Shavonne

I'll be leaving blogger soon

I've decided I should just make that leap away from blogger so I went and got a domain name with Dot5hosting.  It only cost me $3.95 a month for signing up with a 24-month service. Look for Shavonne's World at shavonne.org.  I wanted shavonnesworld.com but some jackass took it already. Go figure.  Who else would want a website called Shavonne's World? 

I don't know if I will be leaving blogger permanently though.  I will still post to it, especially if I'm able to post to my other website via email which I should be able to.  If that's the case, then I'll still post to blogger to make it easier for people who link here. I just won't respond to comments left on blogger.




--
Shavonne

Things that make me feel ugly

Picture this, I''m driving home from work and I come to a stop sign. I'm sitting there waiting for traffic to clear on the left and right so I can continue down the road I'm on. Then I look to my left and I see a car making a right turn. All of a sudden the car stops next mine and there's five black males sitting in the car smiling and trying to get my number. So I tell them to go away and I roll up my window.

This is California and a black women should feel lucky to capture the black man's attention but damn, if these guys are getting black women like that then we are living in extremely desparate times.

I wish the men that approach me would put that energy towards an education and a career. I'm so tired of pussy hounds.

ANTM

Who will it be? Joanie or Danielle?

I love watching America’s Next Top Model. I’ve been a huge fan ever since I watched the first season when I was living in Korea.

My top two favorites for this cycle are Joanie and Danielle. I’m taking bets on Joanie. I like Danielle but her accent, according to the judges, is an issue. I’d like to add there are plenty of models with accents. Heidi Klum as an accent but a German accent coming from a blonde is more acceptable than a country accent coming from a black woman. Don’t you just love hypocrisy?

If Jade somehow makes it to the top two, I’m going to be very upset. If she wins, and I hope not, will never watch ANTM again.

Oh yeah, there’s Sara. Is she gone yet?

New blog address

I started a new blog at wordpress.  The address is www.shavonnesworld.wordpress.com
I will eventually leave blogger but not anytime soon. I will continue to my blogging here because I can post via email.

Phone Calls from the Edge: My phone Rang off the Hook!

It seems I was very popular this past week.  I've heard from my unwedded single parent friend, her sister, the Actress, and my aunt and cousin from Detroit.

My unwedded mother friend called to tell me how a coworker of hers was recalled back to the Army.  She said everyone at work was extremely upset. I wish the people I worked with were that way.  I just constantly hear Bush-speak, moron-speak, idiot-speak or whichever you want to call it..."Oh thank you or your service" or "You're off to do better things...God has a bigger plan for you." Someone's even had the nerve to say "I support what's going on in Iraq but I would never go over there myself.  Thank you for volunteering and for your sacrifice." Considering the Army is calling my mobilization Involuntary Active Duty (IAD), do you see the irony in this idiots statement?

Anyways, After my friend with children finished telling me about her coworker, I broke the news to her about my impending departure.  She didn't take it too well.  In fact, she took it worst than my mom! She started crying and cursing Bush and his family and calling him an idiot (no need to remind me of that).

When I got off the phone with my single mother friend, her sister, my other high school buddy called. she asked a couple of questions about my deployment, I told her what I knew, and we caught up on what's been going on in our lives. (I haven't seen or heard frolm her in a year.

She's dating some club owner in L.A. I asked her if he had any goodlooking friends.

"Why you looking to get some?" she asked.
 
"No. I'm celibate."

It took her a minute to wrap her mind around that concept.

"How long have you been celibate?"

"Not long.  Just over a year." I replied.

"I don't think I can go a month."

The Actress and I spoke til almost midnight.  I tried to get off the phone sooner but whenever our cell phones dropped a call she would call right back.  Dang.  I tried hinting about how I had to go to work but the Actress, forever unemployed it seems, just couldn't comprehend that either. 

The next day I got a call from my aunt.  I don't know if any of you caught on yet, but I'm not exactly a phone person. I'm definitely don't like phones when people call to talk about baby daddy drama, gossip, or questions of when I'm going to bring a bastard child into the world. Yep. That's what my whole conversation with my aunt and cousin was all about.

"When are you gon have a baby?"

I've answered this question for like a thousand times already and the answer has always been the same.

"When I'm married."

Duh!!!  I mean really.  I've heard about dead-beat dads, late or nonexistant child support payments, and how hard life is as an unwedded mother-just the thought I joining that club makes me want to barf.

Then my aunt asked why I don't bother to call Detroit and I kept thinking because I don't like being questioned about when I'm going to have a baby.

Not up to blogging lately

I haven't been feeling like blogging or studying since I learned of my mobilization.  In fact, I dropped my second class after one week.

I subitted my paperwork for an exemption to the Delay and Exemption Board.  I don't think they will grant me an exemption, which is why I dropped my class.  When it comes to the Army, I always expect the worst. This is indeed the worst.

On a brighter side, I came across a quote in US Weekly magazine that will be my inspiration for a book I will write sporadically or full-time, depending on where I'll be for the next two years-at home continuing with my studies or in the Middle Eastern desert baking.

"I was conceived on Avenue X in Brooklyn with a ....condom that broke.  My mom was ready to get an abortion.  She was at the clinic...and then she felt me move, and she fell in love with me right then." -Rosario Dawson, US Weekly, March 27, 2006.

 

--
Shavonne

Comment spam

I do not appreciate comment spam. Askintoo, please stop with the comment spam!! I deleted your comment for a reason and now I'm deleting it again. I do not want to turn on word verification but I will I get more comment spam.

Army Recall: "As Soon as You Think You're Out, They Pull You Back In"

I've been called back into the Army. My report date is 28 May 2006.

I cannot describe how I'm feeling right now. If someone had asked me what would be the worst thing that could happen to me, this would be it. The Army is, and this is just my opinion, possibly the worst branch of the military for job satisfaction with a rather mediocre quality of life. The smoking and drinking culture-boy am I looking forward to that again.

This also means that U.S. is seriously thinking of invading Iran and things could get very ugly. Iraq is a breeze compared to what we are up against. Can you say nuclear holocaust?

This signifies the end folks. Pretty soon they will be drafting your sons and daughters or even yourself if you're still young enough. I mean I'm trained as an Army journalist, hardly a mission essential job for fighting wars like infantry, field artillery, special forces, medics etc.

When I get back I will continue with grad school and then shop for a drama free country to take up permanent residence in, one with lower taxes, lower cost of living, low crime, quiet, green, and underpopulated but hopefully with an Apple store.

FW: New Drug...

I think I need one of these pills right about now. I just had got my taxes done. I owe $7,086.

Marketing Crap to Black Youths

I had a very interesting discussion in class over the weekend about the entertainment industry and its effects on our youth.

In class, there was simulation where we are to act as an executive for a clothing company. This clothing is using an artist (Daze) to endorse a new clothing line. This artist’s music details violence and glorifies the gangster lifestyle. This company wants to market the clothing in urban areas, basically black neighborhoods. The main target group is 15-30 year olds but they are also marketing to inner city youths 12-25 years old.

My issue with this simulation is that the clothing line is targeted to under-aged youths. I am a firm believer in people are responsible for their actions but when it comes it children it’s a different story. Kids are very impressionable and their brains are still developing and if there is no one to give proper guidance, they end up in serious trouble.

I got into a rather heated discussion with a black female in my class (S.O.S.). I renamed her S.O.S because she needs help.
__________________________________

You are all about making the money. I near about fell out laughing at the First Amendment reference. It’s so true though.

Then I started to think about it and I realized I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to 50 Cent or any of those thugs that constantly sell records with deplorable messages.

This is one of those simulations where I wish it gave me the option to quit my job because I’d do it in a heartbeat. I have no desire to sell trash like this.

Shavonne
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Right, the whole point of business is making money. And I felt these dilemmas weren't severe enough to warrant not making as much money as possible on something that nobody will care about in 18 months.

These ethical dilemmas weren't very tough choices at all to make. It would be a different situation if the jackets were made out of baby seal fur and sewn together by 8 year olds chained to sewing machines in Bangladesh, but I digress.

I understand not wanting your kids exposed to certain things, but that is your job as a parent to make those decisions. I'm sure many parents felt the same way when Elvis Presley, The Beatles, and Led Zepplin became the rage. Millions of people enjoy and are willing to spend money on those thugs so they will always be around.

I wouldn't mind selling clothes at all, even if they featured someone like Daze -- it's no big deal to me. I can only think of the tobacco industry off the top of my head as far as companies I wouldn't work for.

INDIVIDUAL #1
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The Beatles, Elvis, etc., didn’t sing about killing people so I’m not quite seeing your analogy. But I digress.

I wouldn’t work for a cigarette company either, but at least cigarettes come with a warning of the harmful effects of smoking. Music doesn’t come with a warning. I would like to see a warning on an artists music like Daze that said something like:

“WARNING: Studies have shown people who listen to this music are more likely to commit crime, serve time in jail, have children out of wedlock, drop out of school, collect welfare, and/or end up dead by the time they are 25 years of age.”

SHAVONNE
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My point was that people freaked out when their kids started listening to rock 'n' roll music. Remember when Elvis was on Ed Sullivan and they only showed his face because his gyrating hips were viewed as obscene?

Cigarette warnings are based on actual scientific evidence; your rap music warning is based solely on stereotypes. There is a explicit content warning on CDs, but I don't know anyone that still buys CDs.

INDIVIDUAL #1
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I am 45 so I don't know how many of you really remember this...but little richard (pre PRINCE was so scandalous) You guys must know what is GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY really all about!

back then the phrase rockin' and rollin' was the slang way to say having sex....think about it...that's the reason rock and roll became the term for that kind of music....every song was about sex!!!

We're all getting uptight about some of the stuff today...little richard was DAZE in the 50's!

Good Golly Miss Molly
Little Richard

Good Golly Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
When you're rockin' and a rollin' can't hear your momma call.

From the early early mornin' till the early early night
You can see Miss Molly rockin' at the house of blue lights.
Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
When you're rockin' and a rollin' can't hear your momma call.

Well, now momma, poppa told me: "Son, you better watch your step."
If I knew my momma, poppa, have to watch my dad myself.
Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
When you're rockin' and a rollin' can't hear your momma call.

I am going to the corner, gonna buy a diamond ring.
Would you pardon me if it's a nineteen carat golden thing.
Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
When you're rockin' and a rollin' can't hear your momma call.

Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
Good golly, Miss Molly, sure like a ball.
When you're rockin' and a rollin' can't hear your momma call

INDIVIDUAL #2
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I don’t think I’m getting uptight when there are 15 year olds serving time in prison for murder but if I am, I’ll be the first person at the doctor’s office on Monday getting an enema.

There are good parents that teach their children the difference between right and wrong and then there are the parents that teach their children absolutely nothing, which is why there are people like Daze (who was probably raised in a fatherless home). Who will teach children the difference between right and wrong when their parents do not know how or do not want to?

While we’re on the subject of sex, here is the address of an article as well as an exert I found on out of wedlock births in the U.S.

http://www.brookings.edu/comm/policybriefs/pb05.htm

“Since 1970, out-of-wedlock birth rates have soared. In 1965, 24 percent of black infants and 3.1 percent of white infants were born to single mothers. By 1990 the rates had risen to 64 percent for black infants, 18 percent for whites. Every year about one million more children are born into fatherless families. If we have learned any policy lesson well over the past 25 years, it is that for children living in single-parent homes, the odds of living in poverty are great. The policy implications of the increase in out-of-wedlock births are staggering.”

I know there’s no link between Richard’s music or any other artists and the rise in premarital sex especially in urban neighborhoods, but you can’t deny the correlation with social decay.

The problem in America, is we tend to put band-aids on gunshot wounds when we should be trying to prevent the gunshot wound.


Shavonne
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I totally agree...I guess my point was not clear....

The music industry will always be seen as the cause of the problems in society when in fact it may simply be writing about what is happening in society at the moment.

Little Richard was writing about sex and as the children became adults from his generation there were many new social mores that allowed sex.

I also think that many more white babies would have been born in the story that you read if that group had not had easier access to abortion. I am sure that many of the babies born out of wedlock were born because the mother could not afford an abortion not because she was against it morally.

Just as today we write more openly about killing and death does that mean it is now ok to do it or does that mean we simply accept it and as a result, just as 20-30 years after Little Richard's songs people just hop into bed.

Frankly if aids had not showed up I am sure we as a society would have not been into abstinence or talking about the virtue of virginity.

INDIVIDUAL #2
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Black women are 3 times more likely to have an abortion that white women.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb_induced_abortion.html

13 million+ black babies have been aborted since 1973. That’s a quarter of the black population today!
http://blackgenocide.org/black.html

So it’s not about one group being able to afford an abortion and not the other. Abortion clinics are primarily located in black neighborhoods but that’s not the issue either. The issue is marriage.


http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_1_59/ai_110361377

“The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies reports that by the age of 30, 81 percent of White women and 77 percent of Hispanics and Asians will marry, but that only 52 percent of Black women will marry by that age. Black women are also the least likely to re-marry following divorce. Only 32 percent of Black women will get married again within five years of divorce; that figure is 58 percent for White women and 44 percent for Hispanic women.”

I’d like to remind you that the population sizes are not the same. One is significantly larger than the other yet the smaller population is having abortions at 3 times the rate of the other.

America is becoming more and more conservative. This shift has more to do with the fear of G-d than the fear of AIDS.

http://andreaweckerlecopywriting.typepad.com/new_millennium_pr/2006/03/
declining_birth.html

SHAVONNE
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Shavonne,
I feel many things are wrong with our society. These problems were not created because of music or any other form of entertainment. We make choices. The beauty of life is God gives us the free reign to make these choices.

I understand what you are stating. However, when has our world been without negativity. We had to deal with slavery/oppression, women being seen as second class citizens and not being allowed to vote, blacks are still trying to gain acceptance in our society.

If music is raising or influencing your children to act irresponsibly, the truth is the parents are not disciplining or raising their children. Most of the record execs of these companies are the individuals pushing the negativity along with the artists. So, don't just hold the musician/artist accountable, you should also hold the record execs accountable. Most of them are men with children!

My grandmother was married and had a baby by the time she was 15/16 (this was considered the norm back in the early 30's or 40's). She has 9 children and her husband worked continuously and he was abusive. Despite whether a child is born into wedlock or out of wedlock, parents can still be parents. If the parents are not married, you can still develop a loving and supporting relationship with your children.

I know of many people whom had both parents in the home and they still have issues.


S.O.S-
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“So, don't just hold the musician/artist accountable, you should also hold the record execs accountable.”

I am thinking about the executives. Artists like Daze can’t make music if executives would stop promoting them. That’s why if the simulation had given me a choice to quit rather than promote Daze’s clothing or music, I would have quit. Executives (and apparently Alex) are willing to make as much money as they can off of this and that’s not right.

“And I felt these dilemmas weren't severe enough to warrant not making as much money as possible on something that nobody will care about in 18 months.”

Alex is right. No one will care about Daze 18 months from now, however, Daze’s and other artists’ glorification of the criminal lifestyle will last a lifetime.

“If the parents are not married, you can still develop a loving and supporting relationship with your children.”

See this is another issue with families today, especially black families. If it takes two people to make a child, then two people should be raising the child. The black community is all too willing to normalize immoral behavior i.e., having children out of wedlock despite the fact that studies have consistently shown “ that for children living in single-parent homes, the odds of living in poverty are great.”

http://www.brookings.edu/comm/policybriefs/pb05.htm


“Since 1970, out-of-wedlock birth rates have soared. In 1965, 24 percent of black infants and 3.1 percent of white infants were born to single mothers. By 1990 the rates had risen to 64 percent for black infants, 18 percent for whites. Every year about one million more children are born into fatherless families. If we have learned any policy lesson well over the past 25 years, it is that for children living in single-parent homes, the odds of living in poverty are great. The policy implications of the increase in out-of-wedlock births are staggering.”
A black woman can be a great parent by herself but there is no substitute for a father figure. And it doesn’t change the fact that probably majority of the people serving time in prison came from fatherless homes. If a black woman can’t find a descent husband, then she just needs to keep a nickel between her knees until she does.

“We make choices”

Folks want to argue about people and their right to make bad choices and that’s great. However, when people make bad decisions and get caught they should suffer the consequences instead of getting a slap on the wrist because after all, their bad decision was their choice.

“when has our world been without negativity. We had to deal with slavery/oppression, women being seen as second class citizens and not being allowed to vote, blacks are still trying to gain acceptance in our society.”

Just because things were bad in the past does not negate our obligation to fix the future. You can continue to look at the past with your back to the future, or you can turn around and look towards the future. The past is really out of our hands. There is nothing we can do about it but we have some control over the future and I think that’s what we should be looking at.

SHAVONNE
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shavonne,

Honestly,,,when has the black family really be a family. We were indoctrinated and have had to assimilate. When we valued family...it was ripped from us. We have endured. I do look to the future, but I am not going to be idealistic.

My father was not in the home, but I still had father figures...they are called uncles.

Many black families were nuclear and collective. We took care of one another. I really think this is the issue within our community.

S.O.S
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Again, you’re dwelling on the past and making excuses.

“When we valued family...it was ripped from us.” This did not happen to you or to me. It happened to our ancestors. We have an opportunity to change the present and the future-we can’t do anything about the past.

My father was not in the home either. And I didn’t have uncles around to take his place. My mom had me out of wedlock and I still don’t think it’s right or okay or normal. I refuse to bring any child into the world until I’m married. I refuse to have a child with a man that does not want me or my baby. I know that marriages don’t always work but it’s not an excuse to not get married.

Shavonne
_______________________________________________________________

Shavonne,
I can respect your opinion and choices. However, please remember that some things we view in this society as negative could possibly be a "blessing".

I too had planned to marry and have a beautiful family before I had my daughter. Her father and I was in a relationship.We had protected sex, but the condom was not enough. It came off during the act. I was not sure I would become pregnant. Of course, I found out later that I was pregnant. However, once I became pregnant by her father (while in college), he wanted to marry but I found out he was cheating. We talked about it. If I did not marry him, he wanted me to abort.

I was not going to marry him because I knew in my heart he was not ready for such a commitment (two wrongs don't make it right). However, something from within told me to have my daughter.

I am happy God bestowed upon me something so wonderful...to give the gift of life. I will never....ever regret giving the gift of life to my beautiful daughter. Nothing can replace her beauty, personality, and love. She only strengthens me to overcome challenges. I enjoy being a mother.

This world is not a Utopia. We are here to live and learn. Our paths in life are already determined. Life is what you make it. We all have the power to change things. Most importantly, my belief and faith in the Highest Power...I will always overcome any challenge or obstacle.

Family is what you make it. Many people don't have family, but friends become family.

Although you feel that what happened to our ancestors don't affect us...I beg to differ. However, that's another discussion and does not deal with these dilemmas.

S.O.S
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I don’t deny the effects of slavery, I’m simply saying why dwell on it? We are free people and to continue to use practices used by slaves doesn’t make sense. Slaves didn’t have a choice, we do and to choose to function like slaves doesn’t make sense. The reason slavery still effects the black community is because folks won’t let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. It doesn’t work and it’s counter productive.


--
Shavonne

An Email from the Soul Patrol

I hung out with someone that works in my building. Ever since then, she’s been forwarding emails to me. Some of them are very religious in nature and some are fun, and then there are the ones I can’t stand-the ones that tell me to forward this message to X many people.

When someone sends me emails of the mentioned nature to my personal email addresses, they get a (one) nasty gram. And I mean nasty. I have a very strict don’t-forward-crap-to-me policy. I don’t care if it’s funny. I don’t care about the subject, I don’t want it!! If you forward another piece of crap to me, I block you! I really mean it. I’ve blocked my own mother!

Since this was my work address and not my personal email address, I kindly requested that she not send me forwarded emails. This was her response:

"Hey, girly! Sorry - I enjoy forwards and enjoy blessing others with such thoughtful messages. Ok, I won't bother you with those emails anymore. Anyways, sorry we didn't get a chance to go to the movies two Sats ago. I went car shopping because I really needed a new car so bad. I didn't realize that it takes so much time just to go shopping for a car. I spent like two weekends looking. I’ve been so blessed because of Him! God promised me a new car in 90 days and one bank came back with a yes and I bought a ’04 Chrysler Sebring despite bad credit and 7 rejections!!! Yay! He is so faithful!!! Praise the Lord!!!

This past weekend I spent catching up on laundry and sleep – lol. I had a good weekend. So how was yours?”

I know you know what I’m going to make fun of. You have no idea how much discipline it took to not respond to this email. I really, really wanted to but that wouldn’t have been right.

I wanted to respond:

"Too bad you didn’t pray for good credit. You can do more with good credit that you can with bad credit and a new car. Yeah, it’s true! Praise the Lord!!! A-men!!!”

In Case Someone Steals Your Mac

I ran across this on the Apple website.  I thought Undercover was interesting and worth buying for my Powerbook, especially since it'll only be $25 (I'm a student).  I'm so paranoid about computer theft.  What would I do without my Mac?

http://www.orbicule.com/undercover/works.html

Undercover will be the first thing I buy for my Mac when I get paid on Thursday.  I'll still buy a floor safe.  If someone's going to steal my hardware, it won't be easy for them.

Phone Calls from the Edge: A Married Friend part II

My married friend (who I'll call Marge) told me last night she's thinking of getting a tummy tuck and liposuction.  Like I said before, she's still very pretty but she doesn't have that hour-glass figure anymore.

A year ago, I remember Marge telling me that her husband wouldn't have sex with her. Around that same time, I heard from another friend that Marge's husband was having an affair. I'm not sure how true that was, but an affair was first thing that went through my head.  I mean, a black man turning down in-house nookie? Yeah, right-only if he's getting it from somebody else.

I've never met Marge's husband and I can say I don't really like him.  Why don't I like him? Well back when I was in the Army, I came home to visit my mother for Christmas.  I did my usual-I called my girls and caught up on what had gone on in my absence (which wasn't much).  That's when my friend informed me she had gotten married.

I congratulated her.  She told me she had prayed to G-d everyday that he send her a husband. (I'm not sure I'd pray to G-d for that. You might not get what you prayed for.)

When she told me she was married she still had a semester to go before getting her degree bachelor's degree. Her husband, however, didn't want to wait 15 weeks before getting their baby-making mojo going.  That asshole. What's 15 weeks? Why didn't he want to wait so she could get her degree? Insecure perhaps?

I advised her to hold her ground and get her degree then have babies, unfortunately it was too late.  She was already pregnant with twins! Great.  If it took her 3 years to get through a junior college and 2 years at a university and still have a semester before becoming a graduate, I could imagine how hard going to school would be with two babies suckling her breasts and that's if she ever made it back to school at all.

But she did it. She got her degree in Sociology and had another baby at the same time. I still don't like her husband though. And I'm sure she probably suspects infidelity is the reason why he won't sleep with her or it could be that fact that she's very fertile. 

Phone Calls from the Edge: the Married Friend

I got a call from a married friend last night around 10 pm. This is a different friend from the one I wrote about earlier but I still try to avoid her for reasons I don’t have time to explain. Let’s just say I don’t like baby stepping my way through a conversation and I don’t enjoy talking to someone (on the phone) and hearing kids screaming in the background. It was the first time I had heard from her since October or August or something. She was upset and said she needed to talk.

My friend: I just needed someone to talk to.

Me: What’s going on?

My friend: I just need to get out the house and do something….

At this point, I couldn’t tell what she was saying because she has a tendency to mumble and talk really low and on top of that, her kids are screaming at the top of their lungs to the point where it feels like my ears are going to explode.

Me: What did you say? What’s going on over there?

My friend: Oh, he just wanted some candy. I don’t have very many pieces left.
My friend (to her kids): Go to your rooms and play! You’re too loud.

Okay, I’m no whiz when it comes to kids, but giving sugar to kids at 10 o’clock at night could be the reason why they’re loud and obnoxious, but I could be wrong.

My friend: Anyways, did you want to go do something tonight?

Me: Well this is the Antelope Valley and it’s 10 o’clock. What exactly could we do this late at night? Besides, I’m comfortable and not willing to leave the house. I’m in for the night.

My friend: Yeah, huh. Well what have you been doing lately?

Me: I’m going to school. Getting my MBA.

My friend: I thought about going to school. I was signed up but decided not to. I just started teaching.

Okay, that’s scary. I’m glad I don’t have children in the public school system.

Me: You’re teaching? What happened to social work?

My friend: I got laid off.

She was probably fired.

Me: Oh wow. So you’re teaching? Wow.


THE SUNDAY MORNING

She called me around 9 am to ask if I wanted to get my nails done and then get something to eat. I said I’d go get something to eat but I didn’t have time for much else since I had to catch up on my studies.

We met at Johnny Carino’s for some Italian food. I hadn’t seen her in over a year. She looks nothing like she did in high school. Back then, she had an hour-glass figure and she was (and still is) very, very pretty. But raising five kids can put a toll on anyone’s looks. Yes five-two girls, which are her husband’s kids from a previous marriage and three boys (a set of 4-year-old twins and a 3-year-old).

She didn’t really have much to say other than she wants to become a teacher and that she is planning a few family trips this summer. I can’t compete with that kind of news. My life is as boring as ever. I’m not even dating anyone. There will be no interesting love tales for a while.

This Past Week

As you all know, I started grad school on Tuesday. I've been really busy with homework and staying ahead of my readings. I won't have much time to post but I will make an attempt to post at least once a week.

For the most part, I'm really tired of my computer and the internet right now. You would be too if you were taking online classes. I've been getting headaches from reading discussion threads for two straight hours a night. Urghh!!!

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great. One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog... And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes. Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

People Who Can't Read

There is nothing more annoying than people who can't read. I'm not saying they aren't capable of word recognition, I'm taking about their ability to comprehend what they read.

Someone read my Phone Calls from the Edge post and construed that I'm anti-family. Where did I say that?

That post was about the crap I have to listen to because women are choosing to have children out of wedlock!!!!

Let me put things in a plain-speaking, clear and understanding way-

I'm a sick of hearing about how hard it is being an single unwedded mother!!!!! Go get some birth control pills while they're still legal. And, I will not have children until I am married.

Do you understand that?

P.S. I find the idea of a woman as my partner absurd, too. But I'm a woman.

American Hot Sausage, Co.

I highly advise you to check out the links to military news sites. I've added a few that I think are worthy of taking a look at, especially if you're someone who actually supports the troops.

I've discovered a great writer named Rahelio in the last week. In fact, his writing is so awesome, I had to give the link to his blog its own space on my blog. I mean, that's just how good it is. Please check out his blog, American Hot Sausage, Co. You won't regret it. He's just that good.

Oh, and I found my camera.

My Secret Hiding Places

My secret hiding places are so secret, I don't even remember them. I hid something of value in the house and now I can't find it. Worst of all, it's my digital camera. My dang digital camera!! Or I lost it the day I went to the Getty Center to meet the Asian guy. Though I remember having it on the tram ride back to my car. I took lots of pictures of the traffic jam on the 405 freeway. So I know I had it then, which means it made it to my car.

I just have to retrace my steps. Okay here it goes.

I can't remember a thing. I do know that I dropped my camera and the outer case popped open slightly. So I don't even know if it still works. Just as well because I had my eye on this other camera.

Phone Calls From the Edge

Have you ever received a phone call from an old friend and realized there was a reason you hadn’t bothered to touch base with them? It recently happened to me.

Now, I had been meaning to give her a call to see how everything was going but I kept putting it off; in the past, she usually didn’t have anything interesting to say. She’s been consumed with baby-daddy drama for almost ten years. Ten years!!! I don’t quite understand why, considering he told her when they first met he didn’t want to be with her. He wanted to be with his pregnant girlfriend. I know this because I was there when he told her. To make a story short, she picked a go-to guy (a good fuck with absolutely nothing going for him) to father her two children. I told her this and she didn’t listen. I said to my friend “He is going to bounce back and forth between you and that other girl.” And he did. For ten years.

About the phone conversation. It went a little something like this:

My friend: I’ve just been working and taking care of my kids. I get up at 6 a.m. then I drop off the kids at the babysitters before I head off to work (her commute to work is almost two hours one-way). I don’t get home til about 9 p.m. (that’s after picking up the kids and picking some fast food) I have just enough time to help my son with his homework and play with my daughter before getting them ready for bed. It’s exhausting. I’m so tired. I don’t even have time to cook dinner so we eat out a lot.

Me: Wow. You sound really busy.

My friend: Yeah, but I have to take care of my kids.

Me: Have you thought about crock pot cooking? You could cook all your meat on the weekends then just heat up frozen or canned vegetables when you get home from work during the week. Fast food isn’t good for you.

My friend: Someone else mentioned that but I like to spend my weekends catching up on sleep and spending time with my kids.

I don’t want to bore you with our conversation, but that’s what I had to listen to. I grew up with a mom that commuted to work and came home to complain about how she was too tired to cook and do all the necessary things that parents must do. I’m not in the mood to hear about it now that I’m grown.

This is why I don’t have children. I don’t have a husband to help raise them. If it takes a man and woman to make a baby, then it should take a man and woman to raise one. But 99.9 % of the human population lives in the real world, not Shavonne’s World.

I'll Be Seeing Poppies After All

IMG_0146,
originally uploaded by Shavonne.

I was almost worried that the lack of rain this winter would mean no poppies to photograph. But, it's been raining and raining hard and I'm happy about that because I love green or any color besides tan or brown and plants other than tumbleweeds. I can't wait until the poppy festival.

That's all for now. Enjoy the picture.

G-d, Please Save Me From Your Followers

Christianity, Judaism, Islam and any other religion I’m too lazy to mention are 24-hour, 7-days-a-week religions and lifestyles. They are not a part time gigs! If you’re Christian, you don’t believe part of what the Bible says, you believe the whole book, not this verse or that passage, but whole thing from cover to cover!

I’ve been told I should go to church. Why? So I can learn to be deviant? I have no respect for religious institutions whose members fail to conduct themselves in the manner the religion says they should. The day I meet a real Christian or Jew or Muslim, is the day I’ll become one.

So on Sunday or Friday or whatever day you “worship”, remind your Pastor, Priest, Rabbi, Imam, or Reverend to remind the congregation that their religion is also their lifestyle.

The end.

The Olympics

When I was at the dentist getting my oral pearls look at, I had the opportunity to check out Curling. I think Finland beat Canada or at least they were in the lead. I don't have much to say about it other than I think it's the dumbest fricken sport on the planet (besides cheerleading).

Madea's Family Reunion

I went to see it today. There was a whole lot of slapping in the movie. I actually felt the very first slap. I love grits, especially mixed with scrambled eggs and cheese. Are all successful and wealthy men in Atlanta assholes?

Blog Themes

There's really no theme to my blog. I write about what I don't want to keep in my head. My apologies for being inconsiderate. I know you don't want to read crap all the time. I certainly don't.

But someone brought it to my attention that I'm always writing about being single. It's kind of hard not to write about being single. No one lets me forget. I just hope I don't whine and sound all bitter about it because I've come across some bloggers that do and it makes me want to slap the poo out of them.

I had a talk with my Army buddy from Atlanta, Georgia who's stationed in Italy. I've mentioned her before in my blog; she was the one that was dating a white boy. You know, caucasian. European descent. Not light skinned but white like Toby Maguire. Bare with me, I still don't really believe it.

I love talking on the phone with my Army buddy. She always says something brilliant like

"Why do Italian women give up their birthright to live like black women?"

Damn. Wow. See what I mean? She's noticed many unwedded or single Italian woman raising brown-sugar babies (biracial). I don’t know why Italian women would want a Nigerian that can’t get a decent job because he’s not a citizen or a black American GI over a family-oriented and established Italian man. (I wish she would start a blog already so I can read about her experiences and observations about Europe!!) If you would like to read about her experiences please leave a comment on my blog so I can email them to her. We might be able to convince her to start blogging.

Anyway, I'm planning a two-week trip to Italy for September. Hopefully in those two weeks, I’ll get to see a lot more than Italy. I don’t plan on sleeping at all while I’m there. Would you?

Got Gmail?

I've got 100 invites to google's email service gmail. I've been using gmail for almost two years now and I love it. I have over 2 GB of storage and the people at google as added an IM service to gmail. I've tried all the email providers and I have to say that gmail is the best. If you're interested in opening an account, just shoot me an email and I will send you an invite.

Men Often Wonder....

I used to have a membership with match.com. I don't know why I joined, oh wait I do, my friend joined and told me it's a great way to meet men from outside the Antelope Valley. So I gave it a try.

I got plenty of responses but I think it had something to do with my screen name and picture.

One guy in particular could not fathom that I could be single and really wanted to know how/why I've remained single for so long. So I told him the truth:

Why am I still single? I don’t really have an answer to that. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because I’m a Davis. My grandmother died recently, and at her funeral I saw family that I hadn’t seen in a while. The one thing I noticed is that all the women related to me by blood, were single. Though my grandmother was married for over 50 years, she and my grandfather were separated for like 49 of those years (grandpa was a rolling stone). He was around long enough to make a baby (six babies), and then he’d split.

My mom and her two sisters, all single. All of my female cousins (with the exception of one who’s last name was changed when she was a child) are single. And I’m still single.

I don’t know if there’s really a curse, but after four generations, it seems the need for a man has been bred out of us or something.

Then there’s the fact that I haven’t met a guy that could make me happier than I’ve managed to make myself. I hope this has answered your question.

I never heard from him again. (I can't believe I'm cracking up right now. It really isn't funny.) When I think about the women in my family, it's very tragic. To think the actions of one lousy man could effect my mom and her sisters, me and my cousins, and even my cousins children to the point that we can't trust men.

My grandmother raised six children by herself. My mom and her sisters, never actually said it, but I know they thought it when they were with the fathers of their children...

Let's just skip the life together.
You're going to leave me anyway.
Give me your sperm. Thanks!
Now be on your way.

That's the real issue with the Davis women. They've never seen a proper male/female relationship. They've never seen a marriage were there was devotion between a man and woman and a commitment to not only raising a family but keeping it together and functional. That's why I'm still single.

Breaking Ties

I was supposed to meet the Asian guy on Saturday but I called him Friday night and told him I wouldn't make it. My number one reason for telling him hanging out would be impossible was because of school and my second reason was just because I didn't have the desire to. I don't think he got it though. He kept asking if my schedule would always be that way and I told him my schedule didn't matter because I didn't have the desire to try to get to know him better.

I know what you're thinking Why did you string him along? I didn't. He contacted me first (via email) after having viewed my profile which clearly stated I was not looking for romance, dating, one-night stands, serious relationships, or swinging action-just friends and networking. There was never any intention for romance on my part and I even told him that in an email. He, however, believed eventually people would develop feelings after spending time together. I told him it was possible but I doubted I would develop feelings since I wasn't in the right mindset.

Since our first phone conversation, I had been holding off telling him I wasn't interested in him romantically. I kept thinking about how I would tell him over and over in my head and feeling really guilty. I don't know why either. I think it was because I should have nipped our communication after his first email to me. Sorry Bud, but you're looking for long-term relationship and I'm not. We're not compatible. Good luck in your search.

I thought I would be feeling guilty but I'm not. I actually feel five pounds lighter and emotionally happier since Friday night. I will never put off something like this ever again. It's too much of an emotional drain.

The New Look

What do you think? I'm not done with it. The rest of the things I'm going to change will happen over time. I would like to change my fonts and move my profile to the left side (so I can change my pic) but make the box go all the way across to the right. I'd also like to make my picture bigger.

What do your eyes gravitate to first? It is everything easy to read? What about the color scheme? Are the colors too busy?


*UPDATE*
I've moved my profile and changed the picture.

Something New

I actually saw Something New the Friday it came out and I enjoyed it very much. Though I'm not looking for any kind of relationship, it was nice to see a black woman, even if it was fictional, find some lovin.

With that said, I think I will work on rearranging some elements of my blog.

The Boss

Today my boss asked about my love life. It really isn't none of her business but I knew why she wanted to know. She's not very happy being married. Her husband works long hours and is rarely at home. She figured with me being single that I would have something good to report.

Sadly I didn't but I wished I had made up some tall tale of how I met some goodlooking and smart studmuffin at a bar somewhere and then took him home to have a night of wild hot sweaty sex. But I didn't because that would have been lying but it would have given me a chance to make up a great story. Dang. Another missed opportunity. That's alright though. She'll be asking again.

Happy Single Awareness Day!!

I'm single and aware of it. Now you're aware of it and you know what else? I'm happy about it.

I Hate Dating

After exchanging emails and a couple of phone calls, I decided to meet the Asian guy. He wanted to meet in a bar but since I don’t drink I suggested we meet at the Getty Center on Saturday.

Like our phone conversations, our first meeting was very boring and almost juvenile.

There's nothing that turns me off more than a man that has nothing to talk about but his job. Now I know what you're thinking, "Girl you better be glad he got a job." Most of these men I've met men earned six-figure salaries and there was a reason why-they were workaholics. But this Asian guy I've been communicating with doesn't have an interesting job, nor does he make a six-figure salary. He went from working in the tech industry, to being a plumber, to doing temp work (as in secretary-type temp work). Which is why I said our phone conversations seemed juvenile. He's a 32-year-old who doesn't seem to have many goals for his life, which is surprising since he’s Asian.

I don’t think he enjoyed the Getty Center. I love art and when I find a piece I particularly like, I’ll look at for as long as it takes for me to discover every detail of that artwork. He would glance at something then walk on to the next piece. On top of that, when I tried to talk about a couple of the pieces with him, he would make inappropriate jokes then start giggling like a bitch like the jokes were funny. (What’s with men and bitch giggling?!!)

I've been faced with making a decision between a guy that I'm dating and my job or school or just about anything that makes me independent. A couple of weeks into dating, my valentine from last year expected me to call in sick to work just to spend a Thursday or Friday (his only days off) with him. Did I ever do it? Hell no! I've got bills to pay, places I like to go, people I like to see, and things I would like to do and my job is my source of income to do those things.

Considering the fact that I'll be starting grad school in two weeks, why would I want to continue to communicate with this guy? I mean, my nights and weekends will be about keeping my grades up because my job is paying (100% for tuition and books) for me to go to school.

I don’t expect a man to take of me nor am I a feminist. I would like to get married but I don’t like the statistics on it. I would love to have children but I don’t want to pay someone else to raise them. It just seems like if I wanted the things I just mentioned I would have to give it to myself or not have them at all. Asian guy is not promising prospect. And I’m not physically attracted to him. He’s a lot shorter than his profile said. I don’t do short men because they usually have tall tempers.

I guess I will be using my grad student status to get out dating this guy. I don’t time or the desire. Plus I haven’t gotten over the Undercova Brotha movie thing.

Firewall

I went to see Firewall starring Harrison Ford this weekend. I don't have much to say about the movie other than the fact that you can't put 10,000 songs on an iPod mini. How lazy of the writers of this movie!! Couldn't they have done some research? How could they use a popular MP3 player like the iPod and not spend the three minutes it would take to find out the song capacity for the different models?

Supporting the Troops

I read blogs of all kinds, especially political blogs. I can’t help it. I like them. They happen to be my favorite. It doesn’t matter if they are conservative or liberal or whether I agree with them or not, just as long as the quality of the writing is good.

Being an Army veteran, I tend to get a little more sensitive when I read those so called patriotic blogs claiming to support the troops. Usually the bloggers that write these blogs do everything but support the troops. They spend most of their time bitching about the mainstream media (MSM) and liberal this conservative that, blah, blah, blah but in reality the only people that truly support the troops are the troops.

Take for instance the issue they have about the MSM. Both liberal and conservative bloggers (but mostly conservative) spend more time bitching about how the media never produce feel-good stories about the troops. I agree there should more coverage about the troops other than their deaths, but the media is out to make money and the top two headlines will always be about death and where peopleÂ’s tax money is going.

Now I’m not going to name names but one particular blogger wrote about how the troops weren’t honored during the Superbowl. I didn’t watch the Superbowl so I wouldn’t know about this. But what caught my eye was that this blogger was bitching the whole time-media this liberal that-she couldn’t even get the name of American Forces Network (AFN) right. She called it Armed Services Network. Urghh!!!

What is AFN? Well, it is a network that’s run by troops for the troops in Japan, Korea, Europe, Iraq, and if I’m not mistaken, Honduras, too. The network produces radio and television newscast as well as providing American tv shows like C.S.I, American Idol, and other popular tv shows to troops and their families stationed around the world. All AFN news can be viewed on the internet at www.pentagonchannel.com and on the Pentagon channel.

I get really angry when I read or hear someone comment on what the MSM is not doing especially when stories about the troops are readily available over the internet and on the Pentagon Channel. I know this because I was once a broadcast journalist for the Army and I also worked at AFN Korea. If people really wanted to know what the troops were doing, the information is literally just a click of a mouse away.

I’m pretty much done complaining. And look for links to websites maintained by America forces serving their country from around the world on my blog.

Houseplants

A coworker gave me two houseplants a few months ago. Both are flowering houseplants which produce a pretty Lilly-like flower. The larger plant is flourishing and has two new white flowers. The smaller, however, is not doing so well.

Two weeks ago I watered both plants before leaving for work in the morning. When I came home the larger plant had perked right up, the smaller plant was still drooping. When I checked the soil, it was still quite moist. In fact there was a little bit of water in the drain tray which meant the plant wasn't absorbing the water. So I stopped watering it the last two weeks.

When I got the plants my first instinct was to replant the smaller one because it was in a burgunday ceramic self-watering pot and I don't like self-watering pots or burgundy. But since it was winter, I convinced myself to wait until spring. Boy was that a mistake.

When I pulled the plant out of the pot the soil was hard and very wet and there were a lot of rotting roots. I had to scrap away the dirt and rotten roots, which isn't easy because the sight of plant roots make me want throw up.

On top of that I had to go out and buy new potting soil, river rocks, a plastic pot, and drip trays all totaling around 20 bucks.

I'm just really pissed off at myself for wasting 3 hours and 20 bucks trying to save a plant that probably won't live. I wasted my time, my money, and made myself nauseous when I could have just taken my money and bought new plants.

Smartbargains

I've discovered I have a love for shopping, at least shopping on the internet. I recently bought this fantabulous dress a Smartbargains. I'm so excited! It's all a part of a makeover I've decided to be one of my New Year's resolutions. It will give me a reason to shave my legs and get a man, well at least shave my legs. But the good thing is since this dress goes to my knees I will only have to shave just above my knees! Pretty swell, huh?

Asian guy called me last night but we didn't talk very long because I was practically comatose. Why do people call after 8 p.m.? Now I'm usually up until 10 p.m. surfing the net and working on my book but last night I really needed some extra sleep so I was in bed by 9.

Oh yeah, my point. He has a nice voice. Not the kind that would make me masturbate or forgo my celibacy but just good enough to make me want to talk to him again when I'm actually awake.

Posting

I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted. I vowed never to go longer than a week but unfortunately my high speed wireless internet is down. I could get on the Dell but I absolutely hate Dells and dial-up is too dang slow. I love my Mac.

In the last week I've decided to go back to grad school. I'll be starting February 24th. Great huh? I want to get it out of the way before I'm in my thirties then no more school for me unless it's ceramics or basket weaving.

*Love Update*
I've been communicating with the Asian guy via email. Tonight, however, I decided it was time to give him my phone number. I hope he has a great voice. I'd like him to sound like he's got some hair on his chest. We will probably meet up Valentine's Day weekend. I would like to go to the Getty Center. I hope he likes this idea. I've been dying to go since it opened back in the day. Plus, it would be more interesting than dinner and a movie and I think a little more romantic in an artsy fartsy kind of way.

I haven't seen or heard from Dilbert in two weeks. I had planned on inviting him out to dinner and telling him I couldn't date him anymore but it seems he quit his job and didn't tell anyone at work he was planning on leaving. Since he didn't say goodbye I'm taking that as his way of saying a final goodbye. All is well.

So that's it. That's all there is. Oh, and I didn't meet my 50,000 word goal for January. But hey, I still have a 250,000 word goal I'm definitely going to meet for the year.

25 Questions, 25 Answers

Here are the answeres to Nikki's 25 questions.

1. are you content with your life?
Yes but there’s always room for improvement.

2. if not, what would make you content?
I would like more time for traveling, no worries about money

3. if so, what makes you content with it?
I’ve got my health, a decent job, friends and family

4. what do you like most about yourself?
I love everything about me.

5. what do you wish you could change about yourself?
But If I could change something, I’d want a twin sister (or older sister) Two Shavonnes are better than one

6. what irritates you most about other people?
Other people

7. what state do you live in? if not in the u.s., where in the world you at?
California

8. what do you look for in the mate who would be most compatible for you? (you'll notice i didn't say perfect mate, cuz there is no such thing as perfection, only perfection in imperfections).
I’m still hoping God will send another Jesus.

9. do you enjoy giving oral sex?
Sure but my gag reflex turns into the bite reflex when something warm and salty enters my mouth

10. if so, why?
There’s something about a pretty dick

11. if not, why?
There's people out there that don’t like giving oral sex!!??

12. how old were you when you lost your virginity?
Do you want to know about the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time?

13. was it a good experience for you?
Sure. I liked it so much I had to do it three more times

14. what motivates you to wake up each morning?
Money and knowing there’s a ton of it out there and I can make me some of it.

15. what do you see yourself doing in five years?
Publishing a book, a couple of stories, walking the Great Wall of China

16. what is your 'big plan' for 2006?
Operation Dream-Boat Body. I need to lose three inches on my waist before my trip to Italy.

17. what do you love most about being single/involved/married?
What I love most about being single is that I’m not bitching about being married.

18. how often do you have sex in a week?
-10,000. (It’s been a long time.)

19. do you masturbate?
It’s been a year but when I did, damn it was good!!! The best orgasm I ever had.

20. what are your favorite television shows?
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I can’t help it. There's something about shoving wood into the hearts of soulless men.

21. who are your favorite actors/actresses?
Don’t have any famous ones but I have to say my mom.

22. what are you listening to on your ipod/cd player right now?
Classical and Jazz (Coltrane) and the Stylistics. Who doesn’t have an iPod?

23. give me three adjectives that best describe you.
I’m a stubborn extroverted introvert

24. what is your zodiac sign?
capricorn

25. what do you love most about blogging?
I like to watch people. Blogging is a way for me to see inside their heads. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with a few loose screws.

Nonsexual things that turn me on

I went to the Mindkandy website and one of the topics there was "Nonsexual things that turn you on." Well, here's my list:

Business ties
eye glasses
the sound of the ocean
the smell of soap
the sound of someone brushing their teeth
night sky full of stars
a big bright yellow full moon
a clear blue sky
green rolling hills
the sunrise and sunset
the sound of rain thunder and lighting
a black and white movie
a good book
blogging
coffee houses
wi-fi
computers
the sound of someone typing on a computer
the sound of the air conditioner/heater
the sound a vcr makes when you stop a tape to rewind it
the blue hue of a room just before the sun rises (this REALLY REALLY makes me horny!!!!!)

As you can see, I'm probably always horny. Unfortunately, when the opportunity presents itself for sex, I'm never in the mood. These are things I do on a daily basis so my needs are being met. Besides, I'm celibate and don't need to think about sex.

Brokeback Mountain

I finally saw it. I have to say that my coworker made way to much of a deal out of that so called sex scene. I thought I was going to see to bare naked men going all buck wild in the mountains of Wyoming. It wasn't even like that. The scene was maybe 45 seconds long. They were fully clothed and by the end of it, I wondered if it even happened. Shit, it was hardly the eye traumatizing, nausea-inducing scene my coworker made it out to be. I guess seeing two men swapping spit was too much for her to handle and they hardly even did that. Not as open minded as she claimed.

As far as my Asian friend that asked the mayo question, I never got the nerve to ask him what I wanted to ask him. It wouldn't be appropriate.

There was something else I wanted to write about but I completely forgot what it was.

UPDATE:
I just read the short story this movie is based on (it was published in the New Yorker in 1997) and I have to say the director leaves much of the sex part of the relationship up to the imagination of the viewer. They really did go buck wild in the mountains of Wyoming. I also think it's interesting this was written by a woman.

Is it true that.....

I haven't had much luck on Plentyoffish. Most of the people on that website are looking for girlfriends or a piece of arse. I have been exchanging emails with this Asian guy the last couple of days.

Yeah, it's no secret. I interracially date. I've dated the whole rainbow. I love and hate indiscriminately.

The down side to interracially dating is most of the guys out there have never dated a black woman. And this is even true for black men, at least in California.

But I'm not talking about black men because there's not much to say, though I'm sure they get asked extremely stupid questions from non-black females like Is it really true that all black men have big dicks? (It isn't true by the way.)

My Asian friend didn't ask me anything like that but he did ask me something really stupid nonetheless.

"Is it true that most black people hate mayonnaise?? Yes Undercova Brotha is one of my all time favorite movies!"

It's an innocent question considering who it's coming from. And it really got me thinking about mayonnaise. I mean I don't hate it. In fact when I was an itty bitty I used to eat mayonnaise sandwiches and I loved them. I asked my mom if she knew of any black people that hated mayo and she said, "If you grew up poor you loved mayo. I only know of white folks that don't like it."

I could only think of a few...danggit. I've done it again. I lost my focus and interest in this subject.

Usually when people start off a sentence with "Is it true that.." it's always something stupid. In his, case he not only asked a stupid question but he has bad taste in movies. I haven't responded yet to his email but I wonder how he would feel if I asked him "Is it true that all Asian men have small penises?"

Do you think he'd like that?

Sex on the Silver Screen

A coworker went to see Brokeback Mountain this weekend. She said she and her boyfriend walked out of the movie. This had nothing to do with the subject matter of the movie because they were both aware of the subject. It was the gay sex scene that jolted them out of their seats in disgust.

I know the feeling. But for me it wouldn't be the fact that it was a gay sex scene that would prompt me to leave the theatre, it's sex scenes period.

Now, I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain and that's not what this post is about. Well actually this is what this post is about, because this movie, along with every other movie attempts to show LOVE by using the played-out sex scene.

I'm sure Brokeback Mountain is a good movie but I believe the purpose of the movie-to show gay relationships aren't always about sex-was lost in translation because of the sex scene 20 minutes into the film. 20 dang minutes! Couldn't they have put it at the end? Those (with open minds) that had gone to see the movie probably ended up leaving and never seeing the rest of the movie because of the sex.

Sex does not equal love. It never has and it never will, so why can't writers in Hollywood be more creative at showing people IN LOVE.

I still plan on seeing Brokeback Mountain because it got good reviews and thanks to my coworker, I got a heads up on when to take a bathroom break.

Sorry this post is so short. I meant to write more but as usual, I completely lost interest in the subject. That darn A.D.D!

Plentyoffish.com

I found this in my inbox at plentyoffish.com.

"1st of all,I would like to say hello sexy & n Happy New Year & hope u n ur family had a bless n happy Turkey day & a great & blessful Christmas & i hope u got everythang u wanted 4 this special day & as i was browsing on plentyoffish.Com and came across ur photo & i would love to say u have a very sexy smile & what was on Gods mind that day he made you.he knew what he was getting himself into when he molded you & b4 contructed u 2 come in2 this world.i read ur profile and it caught my eye & All u have to do is just give me a chance to show u that my salsa dancing,great personality,good cooking & laughter will make u wanna be my friend,then go 4 some Ice Cream or video game room,maybe a carmel latte' n a lil coffee shop listening to some good def jam poetry. all u have to do is follow in the mans footsteps from up above,& he'll lead you in the right direction everytime."

I couldn't even bring myself to read it. Why would anyone give him a chance with an email like this? Geez.

Writing

I just wrote 1,000 words in the last hour! I'm so excited.

Useless Made in China Crap

I happen to love my useless made in China crap. I'm really ticked off at Apple for coming out with the MacBook Pro in less than a year after I bought a Powerbook. They could have waited another year. Oh how I want a MacBook! I love a beautiful piece of hardware. But I will remain faithful to my Powerbook for a couple more years before upgrading to a bigger penis, I mean MacBook. I just needed to clear my head so I can write. Have a nice fricken day.

This Writing Thing

I'm finding it difficult to turn off the editor in me. I constantly feel the need to go over a sentence just to make sure it's grammatically correct. I will spend too much time making sure a sentence sounds right.

I'm going to have to make a some sort of outline after all. And I'm going to have to open a blank document whenever I start to write that way I won't be tempted to go back and edit what I've written. I need to write first then focus on editing in February. I think that will help. Write first, edit later. I will try anything at this point. I'm so far behind on my word count, 2,700 words in one week isn't good. Not when I should have 50,000 by January 31st.

Write first, edit later. Write first, edit later. Write first, edit later. You can do it.

I Dream of Jake

It's rare that I dream of celebrities but lately I've been dreaming a lot about Jake Gyllenhaal, when I'm not dreaming about Korea. I don't know why. It could have something to do with a picture of him shirtless and wearing a Santa hat. He looked scrumptious.

He doesn't get me all hot and bothered by the way. I just get really hungry. I don't think I've gotten over my men-are-just-pieces-of-meat phase. That's probably why I'm still single.

I was hoping to get a chance to talk to Gropey (Dilbert) today. He hasn't been to work. I will just have to muster up the courage to call him and tell him over the phone I can't see him anymore. I don't want to risk dying from having his tongue lodged in my throat. He'll understand. I hope.

I haven't done much writing for JaNoWriMo. I average about 500 words a day. Of course I only spend an hour a night writing.

Rainy days

It's been raining cats and dogs all day. Rain is hardly motivating for writing. All I want to do is sleep.

I know, I should be writing my book and I have. I had to get out of the house because the TV is very distracting. I'm sitting in Panera Bread typing away. When I can't think of anything, I open up a new document and start typing whatever is in my head. Believe it or not, but it really isn't very distracting with all the people and food around me. I just wish there was a hot stud muffin to sit here and motivate me to write. If I don't hit my 2,500 word goal for today (I only wrote 400 words yesterday) I'm going to punish myself by calling one of my friends and listening to them talk about their babies's daddies. That will really motivate me to write.

Check out the word bank for my current word count.